


After

by islndgurl777



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, Campaign 1 (Critical Role), F/M, Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-05
Updated: 2019-03-05
Packaged: 2019-11-12 05:56:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,820
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18005144
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/islndgurl777/pseuds/islndgurl777
Summary: After everything (after the Battle of Vasselheim, after Vecna, after Pandemonium, after Vax-- Just. After.), Keyleth spends two days in bed.





	After

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this in about three hours after waking up absurdly early the morning after I watched The Search for Grog. It's been almost two years since I posted anything, but this one needed to be written.
> 
> Thanks msmerlin for your valuable feedback, and sorry for making you cry!
> 
> Title from You Were Meant for Me by Jewel, one line of which provided a large amount of the inspiration for this fic.
> 
> (Dreams last for so long, even after you’re gone...)

After everything (after the Battle of Vasselheim, after Vecna, after Pandemonium, after Vax-- Just. After.), Keyleth spends two days in bed.

 

The first morning, it seems a fairly reasonable reaction to losing the love of your (very, very long; endless, really, considering how young she is and, wow, those years stretch further and further in front of her, and she’s going to be alone for a lot of them) life.

 

For the first few seconds after she wakes, she doesn’t remember. She’s expecting to roll over into another warm body. She’ll hear a soft grunt when she accidentally elbows him in the side as she stretches, then a murmured, “Kiki,” when his arm snakes out to wrap around her waist and pull her closer to him. He’ll bury his face in her neck and immediately fall asleep again, and his quiet breaths will lull her into sleeping just a bit longer.

 

Except, he’s not there. And then she remembers.

 

After waking up expecting to be cuddled by her boyfriend and then realizing that’s never going to happen again, she figures spending the day in bed is a reasonable reaction.

 

It’s not like she has anything important to do anyways.

 

The second morning starts out fairly like the first, where she opens her eyes and has a few blissful seconds where she doesn’t remember. They are the best handful of moments before she remembers just why her whole body aches and her eyes itch and her chest feels like there’s a dragon sitting on it.

 

She closes her eyes again and falls back asleep.

 

A few hours later she stirs when her bedroom door creaks open and Pike slips quietly in. It’s dark; she hasn’t had the energy to open the curtains more than the slight crack they already are. “Have you eaten?” she whispers as she walks over to the bed.

 

“I’m not hungry.” Her voice is scratchy and low, and she has to clear her dry throat a couple times before she can get the whole sentence out.

 

Pike hums doubtfully but doesn’t press. “Have you been drinking water?”

 

Keyleth shakes her head and closes her eyes again. “I’m too tired to get out of bed.” It’s not a lie; sitting up and getting out of bed and eating breakfast and just...facing any day without Vax seems like it would be exhausting. Even thinking about doing those things is giving her a headache, so she pulls the blankets over her head and breathes deep and goes back to sleep.

 

Hours later, she wakes up and sees a small plate of pastries from The Slayer’s Cake and a glass of water on her bedside table. She sits up enough to sip at the water and ends up drinking the whole glass. She nibbles on a Sun Treat but puts it back on the plate unfinished.

 

She goes back to sleep.

 

The third morning is the worst. She opens her eyes with the full knowledge he’s gone, only to see a dark shape in the bed next to her. The gray morning light is barely filtering in through the crack in the curtains, but she has dark vision and can clearly see a lithe, long-limbed, dark-haired body inches away from her in bed.

 

Her heart pounds loudly in her head and she lets out a breathless, “Vax?”

 

The body jerks and their eyes pop open and tears spring to Keyleth’s eyes because it took her a second and she feels stupid, but  _ of course _ it isn’t Vax. Vax is dead.

 

“I’m sorry, darling, I didn’t mean to…” Vex trails off, her voice as rough and scratchy as Keyleth’s. “Are you alright?”

 

“I’m fine,” she says, voice high and light and  _ lying _ .

 

“Me too,” Vex says dryly. “That’s why Percy ushered me in here last night after two days lying in our bed. He said Pike said you were just as fine as I am.”

 

Keyleth lets out a grumble and rolls her eyes. “Well, what do they expect? Obviously I’m not  _ fine _ , but…” She shrugs. “Did anyone really think I would be?”

 

“No, I suppose not.” Vex reaches out and clasps Keyleth’s hand. They stay like that for a long while, the sunlight from the crack in the curtains turning brighter, until Vex breaks the silence again. “It’s hard to get up, knowing I won’t see him down at breakfast, or out in the courtyard with Trinket, or sneaking around to play a prank on Grog. I think about him never doing those things again--”

 

“--and it’s just easier to go back to sleep, because you don’t have to think about him never doing those things again anymore,” Keyleth finishes for her.

 

“Yeah,” Vex sighs out. “But you know, he’d be so angry at us for wallowing like this.”

 

Keyleth nods and says solemnly, “He’s supposed to be the broody one.”

 

They hold eyes for a second before bursting into giggles. After a minute the giggles turn to tears again, but when those die down as well somehow it feels easier to breathe than it has been for the last few days. The dragon on her chest isn’t gone, but it weighs less. “I think we need to get out of bed,” she says.

 

“I think you’re right, darling.”

 

They lay like that a few minutes more, still holding hands. Vex squeezes her hand tightly and Keyleth squeezes back. They let go and sit up. They get out of bed.

 

///

 

After she spends two days wallowing, she tries her best to go back to normal. She spends time with her friends. She bakes pastries at The Slayer’s Cake. She sits beneath the Sun Tree and meditates. She goes back to Zephrah to lead her people.

 

The weight of the dragon lessens, but does not disappear completely.

 

///

 

It takes a few weeks before her heart stops skipping a beat in hope whenever she sees Vex out of the corner of her eye. The first few times it happens, her breath catches audibly and Vex notices, sending her apologetic glances or gripping her hand tightly in understanding. Every time, her eyes fill with tears and a few inevitably slide down her cheeks. She shrugs, wipes away the tears, and moves on, but the weight is heavier again for several minutes after.

 

///

 

There are still mornings she wakes up expecting to roll over into his warmth. When her eyes open and she realizes it won’t happen, she spends a few minutes imagining it. She’ll slide under his outstretched arm and bury her face in his chest. His arm will wrap around her and hers will slide around his waist and she’ll squeeze him hard. She’ll feel him press a soft kiss to the top of her head and he’ll squeeze back. They’ll drift back to sleep for another hour and wake up again still wrapped around each other.

 

She allows herself to fantasize like this for only a few minutes before she forces herself out of bed. If she spends any more time than that it will be two days before she gets out of bed again and she doesn’t want that for herself. 

 

///

 

It gets easier. The constant wrench in her heart becomes inconstant, and then it’s only a pang. The dragon on her chest disappears altogether, and for the first time in a long time, she feels like she can take a complete breath.

 

///

 

The only time it comes back is when Percy and Vex announce her first pregnancy.

 

The de Rolos are all smiles and giggles as they tell the assembled group. Cheers and congratulatory shouts echo throughout the room, but there’s a rushing wind in Keyleth’s head because the dragon just body slammed her back into the ground.

 

She hadn’t even known they were still in combat.

 

Her breath hitches several times before she realizes what’s happening and she closes her eyes tightly, telling herself to  _ stop it right now _ . It takes a minute to get her breathing back under control, and she can feel tears streaking down her face. When she opens her eyes again, the others are still surrounding Vex and Percy and hugging them in congratulations.

 

She smiles and steps forward, her mind curiously blank, and does her best to show she’s happy for her friends. Vex notices her tears and nods in understanding, her smile dimming a bit as she pulls Keyleth into a long hug. She squeezes her extra hard before she lets go, and passes her to Percy with a significant look before engaging with the others in an impromptu celebration.

 

Percy squeezes her tightly as well and whispers into her ear, “We were hoping you would do us the honor of being her godmother.”

 

She pulls back, too surprised in that moment to think about the dragon. “But I’m not…”

 

“Not for religious purposes, obviously, but more like… Fun Aunt Keyleth who teaches her how to be good, and lets her get away with things we never would, and protects her from the things we can’t, and well, raises her if anything were to ever happen to us, I suppose,” he explains.

 

She takes a long moment to process, staring into Percy’s earnest eyes. The dragon is body slamming her again, though the tears can be attributed to how honored she feels to be asked. She says, “Of course I will.”

 

Percy smiles and hugs her again, then pulls away to join the others’ impromptu party.

 

///

 

The next morning, when she fantasizes, she thinks about Vax’s hand lying low on her belly, his thumb rubbing back and forth lightly. He’s smiling bigger than he ever has and he says, “I’m so happy.” He shifts lower in the bed and rests his head on her stomach. He starts talking to their--

 

“No,” Keyleth says aloud, heart pounding wildly in her chest. She sits up quickly and forces herself out of bed. “No,” she says again, a reprimand to herself; she had been doing so well, and this kind of fantasy is more dangerous than the others. It speaks of dreams she never knew she had until the possibility was gone, and it’s not fair to do this to herself anymore. “No more.”

 

///

 

Resentment and jealousy fester quietly throughout Vex’s pregnancy, but they are soundly defeated the moment she holds her goddaughter in her arms. The weight of the dragon lifts again.

 

///

 

She watches the sun set from her spot by her new Sun Tree overlooking Zephrah, the large, familiar raven perched on a nearby branch. “I miss you,” she says softly. “But I’m okay now. Well,” she laughs softly. “I’m not okay now, but I will be. I’m doing better. You don’t have to worry about me anymore.”

 

The raven trills softly and they continue to watch the sun set in silence. When it takes off a few minutes later, the tips of one wing brush over her hair, a soft kiss goodbye.

**Author's Note:**

> Kudos and reviews are love!
> 
> Critters, can you believe we crowdfunded the crap out of a Vox Machina animated special? Quadrupling their goal within 10 hours is ridiculous and I love everyone in this bar!


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